My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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