If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
