just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
