youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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