there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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