Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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