after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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