when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
