remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
