i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
