Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
