Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
