If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
