i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
