Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
