I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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