my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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