my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
