Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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