I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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