i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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