apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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