we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
