I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
