I look better un-naked...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
