Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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