So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
