It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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