just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
