dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
