We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize