I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
