I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
