hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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