Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
