I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
