You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
