listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
