Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
