We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He better not be in your backpack
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
