Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
