Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize