It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
