I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
