Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
