i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
