Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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