What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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