You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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