i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
