I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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