Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
