at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
