I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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