the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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