please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
