Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
