He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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