you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
