Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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