I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
