Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
