I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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