the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
