i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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