There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
