sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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