Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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