yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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