Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
