Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
