I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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