Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The air taste purple.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
