wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
