You smell like a Billy Joel song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
