They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
