so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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