if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
