Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
