Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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