I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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