I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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